Your Mental Health matters

A touchy subject for most us, yet one that we should all continue to speak about. 792 million people are affected by mental health issues worldwide. It can be such a difficult thing to do, talking about the things that we are dealing with, which is why so many people choose not reach out for help. This the reason being I would love to share my story with the rest of you. You are not alone and I hope that you are able to seek some comfort from reading about my journey.

Since I was around about 11 years old, I have not lived with my parents and was placed into foster care with my two younger sisters. One day, we were taken out of school early and taken to a meet a lovely family, that we told we would be staying with for a little while. This was an extremely confusing time for me and my sisters, but being so young we didn’t really understand what was happening. We stayed with that family for over 2 years and within that time, it had been decided that we would not be returning home with our parents, as they did not feel it was safe. We were told that my younger sister would be put up for adoption and me and my other sister would be placed in whats known as ‘long term foster care’, which is staying with the family until you’re 18. This was one of the hardest realisations that I had ever had to face in my life. Our sister was being taken away from us and we knew that there was nothing that we could do about it. At the age of 13, being told this news, I couldn’t make sense of any of it. It was all out of my hands.

Myself and my sister then met and moved in with a wonderful couple called Debbie and Alan, or as I know them by now, Mum and Dad. This was another difficult time, as we moved completely out of the area that we had lived in for our whole life and then had to change schools and meet new friends, as well as our sister not being with us. At this time, I had so much on my mind and I felt as though everyone was against me. I felt hopeless as I didn’t really know these people, even though all they wanted to do was care for us. At that time, that is not what I felt. I felt a range of emotions, anger, sadness, you name it. I was very quiet and became very sneaky, something which I felt I needed to be. How could I trust anyone after all of this? My mental health during this time was at a very low point and I let my thoughts take over my mind. I didn’t want any help from anyone and was adamant that I needed to depend on myself as I was so used to not being able to rely on anyone. As the years passed, I moved school, I had made friends and things had started to look up. I started talking to my foster carers about how I was feeling, because I began to trust them. They made me feel safe and that what I was feeling was valid. For once in my life, I felt accepted and like I was being heard. They had shown me and my sister what it was to be loved and cared for. I had found my home, my safe place.

It was that time, GCSE’s. I had to get my head down and start thinking about my future. Like anyone during this time, I was super nervous. A stigma that follows children that are ‘in care’, is that they are not usually successful or make much of their life. Just 6% of care leavers go on to higher education. I knew I was going to work hard and make a good future for myself. I did not just want to be another statistic and wanted to prove to others, your circumstances do not define your future. Just because I had grown up in care, did not mean I was any less capable than anyone else. I knew I could do it. Of course, there were times when I found the pressure difficult, but I knew if I worked hard, I could do, not for anyone else, but for myself. So here it was, I had got through my GCSE’s and then had got good grades in my A Levels. It was time to start applying for universities. I went along to open days and interviews and was accepted for all that I had applied for. I had done it! All the hard work had paid off and I was now on my way to getting a degree at St Marys. Something many people would have thought I may not have done.

It has been tough and even now my past does still come back to me. There are days even now when I feel low and helpless, questioning things but I get back up and know there is more to look for in the future, not what lies behind. Days when I find myself thinking about what has happened and how different things may have been. I often think what my real parents would think if they saw me now and I am sure some time in the future I will be able to show them what I have achieved without them. There are things from my past that I have seen and been through, that I will have to live with and continue to make sense of, but I know that speaking about it to those I trust, is what helps me get through it. Without my foster parents, I would not be where I am today. I thank them for believing in me and giving me the confidence to do so. They taught me to stand tall and be proud and not to let anyone tell me I cant do it. They have proved beyond exception the importance of love and stability in a home. Here I am now, talking about it, going into my final year of University to be a teacher, with a bright future ahead of me. Something I once didn’t think I would be able to do or have. My mindset is completely different to how it was just a few years ago and I am so much happier in myself. Of course, like anybody I still have down days and that is okay, but what I want people to know from this is that you can do anything you put your mind to. Wherever you are right now in your life, you can turn it around and whatever you’re going through, will not be permanent. Your mental health may be stopping you from moving on, but there are so many people out there who care for you and would rather listen to how you are feeling, than see something bad potentially happen to you. I am always here, for anyone. Below are a few links of helplines if you need to reach out :

• Anxiety UK: 03444 775 774 (Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 10pm; Saturday to Sunday, 10am to 8pm)
• CALM: 0800 58 58 58 (daily, 5pm to midnight)
• Men’s Health Forum: www.menshealthforum.org.uk
• Mind: 0300 123 3393 (Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm)
• Samaritans: 116 123 (free 24-hour helpline)
• NSPCC: 0800 1111 for Childline for children (24-hour helpline)0808 800 5000 for adults concerned about a child (24-hour helpline)

“Your past doesn’t define who you are. It just gives you the starting point for who you’re going to be”.     Agent Carolina

Stay safe and stay positive x

Danielle